Retail Therapy has moved! You can now find my rantings from retail hell at http://www.retailtherapyblog.com/.
See you there!

I’v only ever been in the cash office once and I asked my colleague “Do you not find it weird that you’re handling 1000s of pounds, probably the most money you’ll ever hold in your hand at one time in your entire life?” and he said no. He handed me a load of twenties and was like “Here, this wad is £1000, here’s another, that’s £2000….” and I’m holding all this money and he’s right, you just think of it as bits of paper. Then I realise how much I could do with it but I’d probably end up in jail. And then I get angry because I realise here we are, Retail Slaves, making money for the fat cats who give nothing back. The owner of the company I work for is making his way up Britain’s Rich List, all on our backs, and yet he is the stingiest bastard ever. It’s not like I’m expecting a pay rise or anything, I know no qualifications=low pay but we at least deserve a safer working environment. I’ve lost count of how many health and safety laws we’re breaking and no one will pay to fix them. We’re not even allowed the fucking heating on in winter because it “costs too much” and the temperature up stairs can reach over 100° in the summer because no one will pay to fix the air-con. But it could be worse…
I know someone who used to work for Jessops (a photographic retailer) and they even had asbestos in their stock room, but not enough to mean the council would repair it for free. Now, Jessops has had to liquidate a lot of it’s stores and stock already to stop it from going under but earlier this year they paid their chairman £500,000 in bonuses….and yet they won’t fork out to repair some fucking asbestos! I’m sure Mr. Chairman would love some in his office. Meanwhile the employees of at least one Jessops store have had to cover it over with tape and just hope they don’t get lung cancer. Nice! That was really worth a 6 figure bonus.

I was watching QVC last night and it made me think of 2 things: 1) I think I’d still rather deal with real customers than have to present for an hour with Dawn Bibby, and 2) I found the most bizarre thing in a QVC store in Florida.
Dawn Bibby presents the craft hour. She tries to sell the most horrible stuff and she is a total bitch. I mean, I don’t know her, but she is so patronising and impatient with the other presenter I feel sorry for him having to put up with her. He can be a bit giddy but it is at 1am so you can’t blame him.
Anyway, this thing I found. I can’t believe something like this even exists:

WTF?!! It’s a movie….for your cat….on VHS! ZOMG! It’s funny and disturbing at the same time. The testimonial on the back says: “My cat Harley has practically become a Mewvie fanatic! He crouches in front of the screen and goes into his “primal hunting mode”. It’s hilarious to watch his intensity as he watches and chatters at the sparrows.” -Brooke.
Well, Brooke, I don’t know whether to tell you you should be sectioned for buying your cat a movie or that you’ve wasted your money because Planets Funniest Animals can have just the same effect.
Can you imagine having to sell that crap? It’s $18.52 as well, reduced! And who thought up the idea of making a movie for cats? “Hmm, all my cat does is sleep. It’s unhealthy, it needs some stimulation. Maybe it would like something to watch. After all, cats are people too y’know.”
And whichever buyer for QVC thought it was a good idea to buy that shit is really in the wrong job. Kinda like the buyers for the company I work for.
Somebody tell me this is a joke…

more cat pictures

Customerz in ur store, makin breakages and complaintz. I hatez dem!

“How many megapixies does this camera have?”

From an ex-Jessops employee. I’m so glad I don’t work in tech.

How had I not found this blog before?! Although the title is pretty self-explanitory, this blog is written from the point of view of the consumer, reporting examples of really bad customer service and the things that big companies don’t want you to know. It’s like the other side of the retail hell coin, which is great because I really want to hear about customer’s bad experiences, how they deal with it and whether it’s justified. Some stories are really bad and the customer is totally in the right. So I’m going to add it to the blog roll and follow it for a while. Go and check it out: The Consumerist.

I try to avoid going anywhere near the tills or customer service if possible because I know I’m going to get cornered by someone. I had to do a price check for a customer last week so I had no choice but to use one of the tills and low and behold, some shifty looking guy who had been hanging around the tills pretending to look at sweets comes up to me.
Guy: “Um, excuse me. I want to come in and buy something but I don’t have any change for the car park. Do you think you could swap my pound for some change?”
Do I give a fuck about whether you want to buy something or not? I get paid the same no matter what you do and if the store closes down because we don’t make enough money, well good riddance! I’m serving another customer right now so I’m afraid you’ll have to go and get ripped off by the ticket machine!
This brings me back to the haggling issue: people who think they deserve something for free because they think they’re spending a lot of money. Spending less than £100 on a digital camera is cheap and nasty and definitely not worth giving you anything for free. And even if you do spend lots of money in our store and drive a flashy car, that doesn’t mean we’re going to pay for the damage you just did to your upholstery by lying a tin of paint on it’s side!
Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is: obviously the whole point of shops is to make money and provide you with the shit you want, but the only people that care about your money are the people at the top who are actually getting the profit. Do you think I’m going to make an exception for you just because you say you’re going to spend money? And why would we give you special treatment because you say you’re a loyal customer? Well, first of all, you need to come in more than twice a year to be a loyal customer. Secondly, your custom ain’t worth jack to me! The more of you that go elsewhere, the happier I’l be. Don’t like my attitude? Suck it!

This is a letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. I’m sure most people have probably seen it already. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

So the general consensus is that’s it’s a pretty funny letter, but I’m only laughing at her. I have never had such problems while surfing the crimson waves, but if that’s how bad it can get then eureka!, maybe I should just offer every bad-tempered woman who comes in the shop some Ibuprofen, preferably 9 or more. Not only does she make herself look a fool, but she tries to drag the rest of the female of the species down with her. I especially like the last paragraph: “Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits“. I would pay $8 to get rid of this customer, and I’m sure Mr Thatcher cares just as much about her friggin’ $8. She sounds like a woman on the edge, and if she transforms into an inbred hillbilly with knife skills every month then she certainly has my sympathy. I just wish she’d chosen a more diplomatic way to go about expressing her views on having a happy period, even if it was just for her own sake.
The customer is not always right, Wendi. Period!

To those who live in the US and have visited the UK: Do you find that customer service in the UK is pretty crappy compared to in the US? I always notice when I go to America how nice and smiley people who work in shops are, and reading “Not Always Right” pretty much affirms that. I think it’s great, I love it, but I don’t know how you can do it when faced with some of customers I’v heard about.
We’re not expected to say ma’am or sir and my friendly facade only lasts so long. Once an american woman told my friend his customer service sucked, but to be honest, so did her attitude so I don’t think it was anything to do with his customer service.
So, do you just take it as being “typically british” or does it really annoy you?

Just a few notes on a few of the things in my blogroll. Since I started this blog (and realised there were so many more people than I thought who liked to bitch about retail), the sites on my blogroll have been a really big help. When life gets me down, I always remind myself that someone somewhere has got it worse than me, and it’s no different for retail. In fact, I’v probably got the good end of the shitty stick when it comes to what I have to deal with. So, however you’ve found this blog, just take the time to check out these sites. Go on, it’s okay to indulge yourself in this type of retail therapy.

Facebook group: “Fuck the customers…” - I will not blame you what-so-ever if you avoid facebook at all costs but this is a pretty good place if you want to read hundreds, and contribute, stories of the rude, the weird and the most utterly stupid. There is always something to read on there.

Retail Hell Underground - Probably the biggest accumulation of everything retail hell on the interweb, from readers stories to mutilated shopping bags and even a definition of what kind of retail slave you are, there is a lot of funny stuff on there. Love it!

Not Always Right- If you’ve ever visited Overheard In New York, it’s kinda like that: just pure, unadulterated conversations between customers and customer service/retail/telesales staff.